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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Reflections

I love working on things like this to get my mind going back in the right direction!

And so it goes...

After the news from my doctor, I made my appointments and decided I was going to approach life a little differently. I wasn't a bad person, took care of myself, my family and enjoyed a great life. But I needed to make some changes and take a look at where my priorities landed.

My daughter was away at college, doing great and I am proud of what she is doing and the woman that she has become. Our little boy was doing fabulous at occupational therapy and at preschool. My Etsy shop was keeping me busy and I couldn't keep up with everything. But there were still some things I need to re-examine.

I could feel my depression returning, along with my lack of desire to create. I still needed to be a wife, a mother, volunteer in the preschool and finish up client projects, but I could see my interest in these things changing.  It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I didn't have the energy to care.

Turning 40 had never been something I worried about, it was just a fact of "growing-up" and one that I welcomed. My lack of interest had everything to do with my life being turned upside down in a way I hadn't planned on.  I needed order and a schedule - life was turning upside down and I couldn't control any of the outcomes.  I had experienced periods of depression before, but this was a new sense of feeling in a funk.

I was on the Auction team for the preschool and spent so much time working on decorations, donations and had numerous client needs going on at the same time.  My friends were all spread out, some at the school and some local, but it didn't really matter - my time was crazy and my schedule was crazier.


Monday, April 15, 2013

Turning 40

It has been quite a while since I have been here to write, life has a way of taking you down paths you had no idea you were about to explore.

I turned 40 in December and two days later I had my first mammogram. It was lots of fun - that is, if you enjoy having your breast tissue pushed, twisted, pulled and stretched, it's totally for you! I went to my appointment, Nook in hand and ready for some quiet time away from my 3 year old little boy (can you tell I was desperate for some alone time?).

This appointment was anything but quite and was the start of a long process that I hadn't anticipated. The technician was great and very nicely asked if I would mind following her to the next room for an ultrasound. The radiologist has spotted something and wanted a closer look. As the ultrasound tech's (yes two) performed the ultrasound, my mind was pretty blank - I hadn't thought of anything to ask or even knew what to ask. I waited for a few minutes and was told I could get dressed and follow them to the see the radiologist.

Let me say, that everyone that I met with that day, was fabulous. I can only imagine the types of news they have to deliver each day, some with sadness and some with a sense of relief. Today, the news they delivered was confusing and would be the first taste of turning 40. The Radiologist had found a radial scar and informed me that if I were his wife, he would want her to remove it asap. I wasn't sure what to ask and just left, feeling confused and scared.

I am not one to get overly excited or emotional, but this jarred my sensibilities. I came home and searched the internet for anything I could find about radial breast scars (not a lot of good info out there, tons of conflicting reports). The more I saw, the more I worried and realized this wasn't something to mess around with or ignore. So I made my appointment for the MRI and then with a breast specialist.